Senseless

This was my latest entry for the Springfield Writer’s Guild Fall Contest. It’s not my best, but I was happy to be able to complete a short story in the midst of my writing turmoil. It received honorable mention.

I should have stayed in bed that day. The clock read 9:30, I’d overslept, and I was late for school. With my dad always out of town, and my mom at work by 6:00, I had to get myself to school. I’d missed English Lit, but I could still make my American History final. I got dressed, swiped a comb through my hair, and tore out the door. 

I had a love/hate relationship with school. I hated all the classes, but I wanted to hang out with my friends. Since they were all at school, I kind of loved being there. 

Trotting through the empty halls, I stopped at the window of my best friend Adam’s algebra class, planning to make a face through the window and crack him up. But the room was dark. Then someone’s head popped up from behind a desk. At first I thought they were pranking the teacher, but it was his look that warned me. Something bad was happening. 

Boom! 

I’d heard that sound before, when I went pheasant hunting with my dad. 

I spun around, trying to find the nearest place to hide. The smell of gunpowder burned my nose. They were close. We’d done lots of active shooter drills over the years, but in none of them was I standing alone in the hallway with a gunman nearby. I knew the classrooms would already be barricaded. I spotted a hand waving to me from the girl’s bathroom. 

Boom! Boom! 

I ran through the open doorway. A group of about ten kids huddled inside. 

“There’s no way to lock the door,” a voice whispered.

‘We can hide in the stalls.”

“No. The maintenance closet.”

We crammed into the tiny closet and pulled the door shut. It was dark until we started pulling out our cell phones.

Boom. Boom.

They were getting closer. I heard a scream, and a voice, “Stop it! No!”  

Boom, boom, boom! Silence.

The silence was worse than the screaming. 

Someone nearby was crying. I started texting.

            Mom Im so scared

            What’s going on?

            shooter mom help

            Where are you?

BOOM! BOOM!

            bathroom he’s outside the door I lv you tell dad

I squeezed my eyes shut and wondered what it would feel like when the blast ripped through my body. But then the gunfire moved away. There was yelling. More gunfire. Silence followed by more yelling. Outside our door we heard, “Police. You’re safe. Is there anyone in there?” One of us answered and the door swung open.

I’d never seen anything as beautiful as that officer, even if he did have a gun pointed at us. He had us line up, hands on the shoulders of the kid in front of us, and told us to keep our eyes closed as they led us out.

We shuffled down the hall and I sensed we were near Adam’s room. I wanted to know the gunman hadn’t made it there and Adam would be waiting for me outside. I stole a quick glance, but instead of an empty room, I saw my best friend since I was three, lying on the floor, blank eyes staring upwards, a gaping hole in his chest. I felt that hole in my own chest as sobs tore through me. 

It’s been weeks since the shooting and I don’t know how to live in a world where this can happen. No place is safe. It’s all just senseless. I heard a conspiracy theory nut job say that my classmates and I are crisis actors. We’re not. I’m not. I’m just a guy who wanted to spend time hanging out with his friends. I’m just a guy who wanted what everyone else wants… to grow up, go to college, fall in love, get married, and watch my own kids grow up.  I’m not sure that will ever happen.

Because now I’m the guy who, every time I close my eyes, even if it’s just to blink, sees his best friend dead on the floor.  Now I’m the guy who won’t leave the house, no matter how much my mom and dad try to get me to go out. Because when I replay that day, the only thing I could have done to avoid it, was stay in bed. So until this senseless world changes, that’s where I’ll stay. Adam and the eight others who died, weren’t the only lives lost that day. Now I know, the real casualty list from a school shooting is much higher.